I feel like I should be writing more, but I’ve had a hard time thinking of things to say. Not that I don’t have a lot to say on certain topics, but I’ve talked the marriage issue to death lately. I think it’s lame that Utah today joined some other states to ask the CA Supreme Court to wait until people vote on the constitutional amendment in November. Why is that necessary? The rationale was that other states need time to decide if they’ll have to recognize CA marriages…but the Defense of Marriage Act already says no state has to recognize marriages from other states. And we have a state constitutional amendment already. So…what’s to decide? We’re not going to recognize them here, no matter what CA does, so why even bother weighing in? Except as a reminder that we hate gay people here, and we’d like them all to remember that.

No kidding.

But ranting about that just makes me tired. There must be something better to talk about.

I’ve been meaning to continue some of the story of coming out, some more specifics about why I left the church, etc. Just to clarify, I haven’t removed my name from the records, though I’ve thought about it. But emotionally, I’ve removed myself from the church as much as possible. The problem with living here is that you are constantly reminded of it, in good and bad ways. And also, for those of us whose families are still very active, you can never really entirely leave, because it’s still a part of your family culture. I know my family would be very sad to know that I have even considered removing my name from the records. I think I have valid reasons – the biggest one being that for me it’s hard to be a part of something that teaches you you are innately bad. I know there are gay people who remain active, in varying degrees of compliance with church rules and guidelines. But for me, it just felt dishonest. I know that what they teach about gay people is wrong. And from there, especially when that wrong teaching is such a personal part of my own existence, it was impossible not to start to question other things as well.

I do want to go more specifically into some of those experiences, though others in the blogosphere have eloquently described similar experiences to mine. I know many people for whom coming out was a deeply spiritual experience.

Sometime I will get back to all that. It’s been a crazy week at work, and the longer I sit here the less I feel I have to say. Somehow that doesn’t seem like a good blogging tactic.